Well, the dumbass temp has been gone for a couple weeks now. Yet I keep finding temp-droppings, things he screwed up before he left.
For example, the printer toner? He never fucking swapped it! The
AP department where this printer is located came by asking when they
were getting a new cartridge.
---
"Printer is out of toner."
What are you talking about? The Temp swapped it weeks ago! Remember me arguing with him right in front of your desk?
"Well, I remember that, but the cartridge was never changed."
And you're just now telling me this?
"I figured you would work it out. Can I get a new cartridge now?"
---
So it turns out that the fucking dumbass THREW OUT THE NEW CARTRIDGE!!!!
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
IT Temp Diaries #21
Just being around this dude is stressing me out. I don't get any work
done when he's around because he's constantly interrupting me and
talking and asking stupid ass questions. Not that him needing to know
something is stupid, but the way he asks... IE: "What does <insert
random word here> mean?" No context, not even complete errors. Just
the one word that may or may not actually be in an error.
Happily, Friday is his last day. Can't stand him anymore. Not even for the one more week. Bossman agrees. Plus, we've been getting budget pressure, so lots of good reasons to dump him.
Happily, Friday is his last day. Can't stand him anymore. Not even for the one more week. Bossman agrees. Plus, we've been getting budget pressure, so lots of good reasons to dump him.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
IT Temp Diaries #20
I gave him another shot at the batch files he failed at before.
There are two files: A file named "ftpparams" and a batch file that uses ftp -s:ftpparams to call that config to download a file off a server. Simple. The file contents are in a "how-to" document with step-by-step instructions using edit commands on the CLI.
However, he's doing this in a Win8x64 box. No Edit. I didn't say anything...
"I keep getting file not found."
When does that come up?
"When I run this."
What's the entire message?
"File not found."
I seriously doubt that. Wanna try again? Are you *sure* it's when you *run* the file? (I keep giving him outs...)
"File not found."
*sigh* Show me. (Yep. He gets it on the VERY FIRST FUCKING THING IN THE INSTRUCTIONS, long before he gets to RUN the goddamn thing.)
"See?"
Dude. It's telling you that Edit doesn't exist on this machine. What do you think you need to do?
"Google!" He starts <clicky><clicky>
NO! Win 8 doesn't have Edit. So what do you think you should do?
"I can't Google?"
No, goddammit. Think for yourself.
"That's what Google is for."
Dude, you're failing at IT. You need a different text editor.
<clicky><clicky> "There's no Notepad!"
Yes there is.
"No there isn't, look!" He had right-clicked on the desktop and was looking in the New menu. "See! Only Text Document."
*goddamnmotherfuckingidiot* Ok, and if you create a new text document, it opens in Notepad.
"Well, yeah. But Notepad should be here!"
No, it shouldn't.
"It is in every other computer."
I'll give you $5 if you find another computer in this building that shows the word Notepad when you right-click on the desktop. But in the meantime, you need to use Notepad to create the config and batch files. Make sure you save them in the places the instructions say.
So he does everything with Notepad. Note the name of the parameter file. No file extension...
"Hey, it doesn't work. Notepad is broken."
*sigh* What troubleshooting have you done?
"I went through every line of the batch file."
You think that's where the problem is?
"Where else could it be?"
I <clicky><clicky> and use the command line to view the file.
"It looks right to me."
Look closer.
"Still don't see it."
What filename did the instructions say to use for the parameter file?
"Ftpparams.txt."
*sigh* Read it to me.
"...ftpparams. See, it's right!"
You don' t see anything different?
"No, I did it right!"
The instructions do NOT say anything about .TXT.
"But it isn't there!" He points at the Windows Explorer view.
Google how to rename a file in DOS.
15 minutes later...
"It still doesn't work."
I check his work. It's still named the same. I ask him to show me what he did...
There are two files: A file named "ftpparams" and a batch file that uses ftp -s:ftpparams to call that config to download a file off a server. Simple. The file contents are in a "how-to" document with step-by-step instructions using edit commands on the CLI.
However, he's doing this in a Win8x64 box. No Edit. I didn't say anything...
"I keep getting file not found."
When does that come up?
"When I run this."
What's the entire message?
"File not found."
I seriously doubt that. Wanna try again? Are you *sure* it's when you *run* the file? (I keep giving him outs...)
"File not found."
*sigh* Show me. (Yep. He gets it on the VERY FIRST FUCKING THING IN THE INSTRUCTIONS, long before he gets to RUN the goddamn thing.)
"See?"
Dude. It's telling you that Edit doesn't exist on this machine. What do you think you need to do?
"Google!" He starts <clicky><clicky>
NO! Win 8 doesn't have Edit. So what do you think you should do?
"I can't Google?"
No, goddammit. Think for yourself.
"That's what Google is for."
Dude, you're failing at IT. You need a different text editor.
<clicky><clicky> "There's no Notepad!"
Yes there is.
"No there isn't, look!" He had right-clicked on the desktop and was looking in the New menu. "See! Only Text Document."
*goddamnmotherfuckingidiot* Ok, and if you create a new text document, it opens in Notepad.
"Well, yeah. But Notepad should be here!"
No, it shouldn't.
"It is in every other computer."
I'll give you $5 if you find another computer in this building that shows the word Notepad when you right-click on the desktop. But in the meantime, you need to use Notepad to create the config and batch files. Make sure you save them in the places the instructions say.
So he does everything with Notepad. Note the name of the parameter file. No file extension...
"Hey, it doesn't work. Notepad is broken."
*sigh* What troubleshooting have you done?
"I went through every line of the batch file."
You think that's where the problem is?
"Where else could it be?"
I <clicky><clicky> and use the command line to view the file.
"It looks right to me."
Look closer.
"Still don't see it."
What filename did the instructions say to use for the parameter file?
"Ftpparams.txt."
*sigh* Read it to me.
"...ftpparams. See, it's right!"
You don' t see anything different?
"No, I did it right!"
The instructions do NOT say anything about .TXT.
"But it isn't there!" He points at the Windows Explorer view.
Google how to rename a file in DOS.
15 minutes later...
"It still doesn't work."
I check his work. It's still named the same. I ask him to show me what he did...
ren ftpparms.txt ftpparms.txtIT Temp Diaries #19
Oh, and that toner... He threw the box away. I went and dug it out so he
could recycle the old cartridge (HP toners come with a free ups
shipping label).
It took 10 minutes for the guy to figure out how to get the old cartridge into the formed packing inserts. It was fucking hilarious.
It took 10 minutes for the guy to figure out how to get the old cartridge into the formed packing inserts. It was fucking hilarious.
IT Temp Diaries #18
This should be safe. Riiiiight....
Install this 64a toner in the LaserJet 4015 printer in Accounts Payable.
"Ok!"
<15 minutes later... Even though the printer is 20 feet away>
"Wow. I've never seen a Troy printer before."
Yeah, they have two printers. One's a MICR for printing checks.
"Yeah. I've never swapped ink on one of those. It's pretty cool to do new stuff."
Wait, you didn't have MICR toner. And you shouldn't have touched the Troy, it's not out of toner.
"Well, I did."
But that's not the toner box I gave you.
"Yes it is!"
No. It isn't.
<we walk over to the printers>
Ok, show me which one you did.
<he opens the Troy>
"See! It says Troy on the toner!"
Dude, I didn't give you that toner. You did this one next to it. See?
"No, I did this one!"
Obviously not.
"Yes I did."
We're done here.
I walked away after that. What's fucked up is he *did* replace the correct toner. But he saw the other printer and somehow transferred his work to the other printer in his head, and fought me on which one he did.
Install this 64a toner in the LaserJet 4015 printer in Accounts Payable.
"Ok!"
<15 minutes later... Even though the printer is 20 feet away>
"Wow. I've never seen a Troy printer before."
Yeah, they have two printers. One's a MICR for printing checks.
"Yeah. I've never swapped ink on one of those. It's pretty cool to do new stuff."
Wait, you didn't have MICR toner. And you shouldn't have touched the Troy, it's not out of toner.
"Well, I did."
But that's not the toner box I gave you.
"Yes it is!"
No. It isn't.
<we walk over to the printers>
Ok, show me which one you did.
<he opens the Troy>
"See! It says Troy on the toner!"
Dude, I didn't give you that toner. You did this one next to it. See?
"No, I did this one!"
Obviously not.
"Yes I did."
We're done here.
I walked away after that. What's fucked up is he *did* replace the correct toner. But he saw the other printer and somehow transferred his work to the other printer in his head, and fought me on which one he did.
IT Temp Diaries #17
On this Windows 8 machine, I need you to remove the Lenovo bloatware
including the Metro stuff. Remember that "uninstalling" from metro
doesn't actually uninstall. I want you to learn how to remove the crap
permanently.
Little while later...
"Ok, I'm done."
You removed the software?
"Yes."
So if I log in I won't see any of it?
"Yes."
What did you do?
"I uninstalled it."
How?
"I right clicked on the icon then selected uninstall."
No. That's not it. All you did was remove the icon.
"No, it's uninstall."
BTW: If you don't know/care, there's a folder in C:\Program Files that has all that shit.
Little while later...
"Ok, I'm done."
You removed the software?
"Yes."
So if I log in I won't see any of it?
"Yes."
What did you do?
"I uninstalled it."
How?
"I right clicked on the icon then selected uninstall."
No. That's not it. All you did was remove the icon.
"No, it's uninstall."
BTW: If you don't know/care, there's a folder in C:\Program Files that has all that shit.
IT Temp Diaries #16
Talked to bossman tonight. Temp is gone.
What he "built" was a joke. 4 hours to list some links on the default Sharepoint template. Fuck that shit.
What he "built" was a joke. 4 hours to list some links on the default Sharepoint template. Fuck that shit.
IT Temp Diaries #15
Bossman finally gave him some specs.
"Create a homepage and add the corp logo and the following links."
He's been at it for 2 hours. Not seeing much yet.
"Create a homepage and add the corp logo and the following links."
He's been at it for 2 hours. Not seeing much yet.
IT Temp Diaries #14
Didn't know how to add a printer from a print server.
Bossman still hasn't given the guy the specs for a new sharepoint site. I'm kinda at the don't care level. I don't want him back.
Bossman still hasn't given the guy the specs for a new sharepoint site. I'm kinda at the don't care level. I don't want him back.
IT Temp Diaries #13
Can't wait to see what joy today brings.
I had him setting up a Surface for a user yesterday. He asked, "So should I set up Outlook?"
Why would you do that?
"Well, so I can get my email."
It's not for you.
"Oh."
I had him setting up a Surface for a user yesterday. He asked, "So should I set up Outlook?"
Why would you do that?
"Well, so I can get my email."
It's not for you.
"Oh."
IT Temp Diaries #12
This morning I was showing him a manual process we have to do on a piece
of legacy equipment. It had downloaded some Windows updates and was
asking for a reboot. I was going to schedule a midnight reboot, so I
told him to click the "Restart Later" button. He starts moving the mouse
toward the "Restart Now" button. I kept saying "No, NO! LATER LATER!!!"
and he kept right on going to the Now button. I was so stunned I didn't
think to physically restrain him from clicking.
He clicked.
BAM! Production server rebooted while people are working in it.
ARRGGHHH!!!
He clicked.
BAM! Production server rebooted while people are working in it.
ARRGGHHH!!!
IT Temp Diaries #11
He's an IT temp. He should be able to assemble a simple desktop.
I just spent 20 minutes teaching him how to map a network drive. I don't think this is working out.
I just need a help desk backup so I can work on other shit. I'm fucking slammed with shit, and really need someone I can hand off the easy work to.
Bossman hired this guy resume only. No interview.
I just spent 20 minutes teaching him how to map a network drive. I don't think this is working out.
I just need a help desk backup so I can work on other shit. I'm fucking slammed with shit, and really need someone I can hand off the easy work to.
Bossman hired this guy resume only. No interview.
IT Temp Diaries #10
First thing I do with a new guy is have him set up his computer. I gave
him a new in box PC and two monitors and told him to set it up.
I come back a little later and he couldn't get both monitors working. I look and find he had connected the DVI cable from one to the other, then the VGA cable from one to the PC. He thought they needed to be daisy-chained.
This isn't looking promising for work. But it might be good for lulz!
I come back a little later and he couldn't get both monitors working. I look and find he had connected the DVI cable from one to the other, then the VGA cable from one to the PC. He thought they needed to be daisy-chained.
This isn't looking promising for work. But it might be good for lulz!
IT Temp Diaries #9
Another temp. Today is his first day.
Another smoker. What the hell, agency?
Anyway, he's pretty bright. Former Marine. Not a lot of experience, but seemed ok in the interview.
He got here today, absolutely REEKING of stale cig smoke. Like he was hotboxing in the car. And he has horrible breath on top of it.
He was sitting next to me and I was tolerating the stench, showing him the morning checklist. All of a sudden a puff of smoke goes past my face. WTF?!??!?! I turn to look at him and he's got a fucking eCig in his mouth.
"Dude. No. That's not cool."
"Oh, ok." He puts it away.
A few minutes later, I've got him looking at my knowledge base, and he's fucking puffing away again. Really? FUCKING REALLY?
I'd like to say today will also be his last day, but bossman is tired of playing musical temps.
Sigh.
Another smoker. What the hell, agency?
Anyway, he's pretty bright. Former Marine. Not a lot of experience, but seemed ok in the interview.
He got here today, absolutely REEKING of stale cig smoke. Like he was hotboxing in the car. And he has horrible breath on top of it.
He was sitting next to me and I was tolerating the stench, showing him the morning checklist. All of a sudden a puff of smoke goes past my face. WTF?!??!?! I turn to look at him and he's got a fucking eCig in his mouth.
"Dude. No. That's not cool."
"Oh, ok." He puts it away.
A few minutes later, I've got him looking at my knowledge base, and he's fucking puffing away again. Really? FUCKING REALLY?
I'd like to say today will also be his last day, but bossman is tired of playing musical temps.
Sigh.
IT Temp Diaries #8
I have a step-by-step instruction for creating a batch file for some old
bullshit process on one of our legacy systems. "How could the temp
screw it up?" I asked myself.
Comes back, "It can't find the drive." That's the error? "Yeah. It can't find the drive."
I look at the batch file and he missed a space in the batch file, and the username in the FTP config file. I fix and it worked fine.
Me, after explaining what was wrong to the temp: How could you have found this yourself?
Temp: Putting in the space.
Me: No, I mean how could you have found the problem without me telling you what it was?
Temp: I don't know.
Me: Well, here you see in the instructions where it specifically says to insert the username in this line? And you see the space here between ftp and "-"?
Temp: I did that.
Me: no, you didn't. What I'm trying to do is show you that scripts and batch files are VERY specific. A tiny thing like a space can break the whole thing.
Temp: I put it in there.
Me: No you didn't.
Temp: I don't know where it went, but I put it there.
It went back and forth a few times like that. I finally said, yeah. It was aliens who deleted your space. He was accusing the computer of changing it after he saved it.
It's a goddamn batch file, nothing fucking sophisticated.
I'm done. I'm gonna raise shit with the boss. If he doesn't get rid of this useless piece of shit, I'm just gonna fucking ignore him from here on. I'm not wasting any time on him anymore.
Comes back, "It can't find the drive." That's the error? "Yeah. It can't find the drive."
I look at the batch file and he missed a space in the batch file, and the username in the FTP config file. I fix and it worked fine.
Me, after explaining what was wrong to the temp: How could you have found this yourself?
Temp: Putting in the space.
Me: No, I mean how could you have found the problem without me telling you what it was?
Temp: I don't know.
Me: Well, here you see in the instructions where it specifically says to insert the username in this line? And you see the space here between ftp and "-"?
Temp: I did that.
Me: no, you didn't. What I'm trying to do is show you that scripts and batch files are VERY specific. A tiny thing like a space can break the whole thing.
Temp: I put it in there.
Me: No you didn't.
Temp: I don't know where it went, but I put it there.
It went back and forth a few times like that. I finally said, yeah. It was aliens who deleted your space. He was accusing the computer of changing it after he saved it.
It's a goddamn batch file, nothing fucking sophisticated.
I'm done. I'm gonna raise shit with the boss. If he doesn't get rid of this useless piece of shit, I'm just gonna fucking ignore him from here on. I'm not wasting any time on him anymore.
IT Temp Diaries #7
He migrated a user Monday from an iPhone 4 to an iPhone 5. The 4 was on
an old iOS version (3.x) and had never been updated. Temp backed it up
using iTunes which required updating it.
That was the last I heard.
The user returned today, asking for his missing photos and Waze history. Temp was trying to explain to the user why it was all gone. (I don't know about Waze, but the photos should have been backed up.)
The user's old phone was on my desk. I fired it up and it had been wiped.
Me: Why would you wipe it before you were 100% sure it was all on the new phone.
Temp: I was!
Me: Obviously not.
I jumped on his machine and looked in iTunes. Sync photos wasn't checked. Shit.
I talked the user down and apologized profusely and got him out of here. Then I turned to Temp:
Me: So what are you going to do to figure out what happened?
Temp: blahblahexcuseblahblahexcuse
Me: Stop. You're not in trouble. But you need to figure out what exactly happened, and ensure it doesn't happen again.
Temp: blahblahexcuseblahblahexcuse
Me: No, this is your priority today. I need a step-by-step of what happened and what you will do next time to ensure it won't happen again.
He went on a bit longer, swearing he had selected photos, the update kept failing, etc.
I don't care that a mistake was made. Shit happens. But I want him to learn from the mistake. If he can't learn, he's useless to me.
That was the last I heard.
The user returned today, asking for his missing photos and Waze history. Temp was trying to explain to the user why it was all gone. (I don't know about Waze, but the photos should have been backed up.)
The user's old phone was on my desk. I fired it up and it had been wiped.
Me: Why would you wipe it before you were 100% sure it was all on the new phone.
Temp: I was!
Me: Obviously not.
I jumped on his machine and looked in iTunes. Sync photos wasn't checked. Shit.
I talked the user down and apologized profusely and got him out of here. Then I turned to Temp:
Me: So what are you going to do to figure out what happened?
Temp: blahblahexcuseblahblahexcuse
Me: Stop. You're not in trouble. But you need to figure out what exactly happened, and ensure it doesn't happen again.
Temp: blahblahexcuseblahblahexcuse
Me: No, this is your priority today. I need a step-by-step of what happened and what you will do next time to ensure it won't happen again.
He went on a bit longer, swearing he had selected photos, the update kept failing, etc.
I don't care that a mistake was made. Shit happens. But I want him to learn from the mistake. If he can't learn, he's useless to me.
IT Temp Diaries #6
He just came by, "I have to wait for <user> to get in before I can set up his email. He's second shift."
Me: Why? I told you to reset his password in the ticket.
Temp: How?
Me: In active directory...
Temp: He's not in active directory.
Me: yeah, he is.
Temp: No he's not.
Me: dude, just open AD
Temp: Oh, hey. How come I couldn't find him from over there?
Me: facepalm
Me: Why? I told you to reset his password in the ticket.
Temp: How?
Me: In active directory...
Temp: He's not in active directory.
Me: yeah, he is.
Temp: No he's not.
Me: dude, just open AD
Temp: Oh, hey. How come I couldn't find him from over there?
Me: facepalm
IT Temp Diaries #5
He's been transferring and closing tickets with no comments in them. So I
take a moment to give him some coaching on putting something in there
explaining what he did. Before I even finish the first sentence, "Oh, I
DID do that!" No, you didn't. "YES I DID." No, you didn't. "YES!"
Seriously, dude, quit fucking arguing.
Seriously, dude, quit fucking arguing.
IT Temp Diaries #4
The temp took the A+ class track. Yet he doesn't know:
How could anybody who claims to be a tech do something that fucking stupid?
- How to pull a PCI-e video card off a motherboard
- How to work in a MS-DOS batch file (just edit one, not even make one from scratch)
- How to map to a hidden directory
- How to find a Hardware ID in Device Manager
- How to use Google
How could anybody who claims to be a tech do something that fucking stupid?
IT Temp Diaries #3
AOL Tone:
What the temp called the modem handshake when he accidentally dialed a fax machine.
What the temp called the modem handshake when he accidentally dialed a fax machine.
IT Temp Diaries #2
He still may turn out ok. You know how sometimes a person just can't do
things he already knows, but is in a new environment? So I'm giving him a
chance. We'll see, but so far I'm not impressed.
I had to help him install a scanner on a PC.
I don't have a perm position. I have a temp until the first of the year. After that time, I may or may not be able to take someone on permanently. But for that to be possible, the person has to really rock. I'm not seeing that here.
I had to help him install a scanner on a PC.
I don't have a perm position. I have a temp until the first of the year. After that time, I may or may not be able to take someone on permanently. But for that to be possible, the person has to really rock. I'm not seeing that here.
IT Temp Diaries #1
(NOTE: This was originally posted back in November of 2012. That's when the Temp Diaries start...)
Fucking headhunters.
Led us to believe he was simply "green" but smart. Did ok in the interview.
Day to day work though... Unbelievably not bright. Sigh. At least he was cheap, and I can pass the menial shit to him eventually.
Work ethic is pretty bad. He'll just sit there until I check on him, then he asks whatever question he has. Grrr... That bugs the shit outta me. He won't research unless I specifically tell him to.
I'll keep using him till the first of the year, then give him the boot.
Fucking headhunters.
Led us to believe he was simply "green" but smart. Did ok in the interview.
Day to day work though... Unbelievably not bright. Sigh. At least he was cheap, and I can pass the menial shit to him eventually.
Work ethic is pretty bad. He'll just sit there until I check on him, then he asks whatever question he has. Grrr... That bugs the shit outta me. He won't research unless I specifically tell him to.
I'll keep using him till the first of the year, then give him the boot.
The IT Temp Diaries
I know I haven't posted in a while. I've even done lots of car stuff. But work and life have kept me from getting down on paper bits the things I've done.
However, the next several posts won't be car related at all.
I'm one of two IT guys at a not-so-small company. We're constantly overwhelmed with work, so over the past year I've brought in 3 different temps through an agency. The same agency, in fact, that got me this current position.
The first two, according to their resumes, had been in IT for years. The third supposedly is about to get his Associate's degree in Information Systems from some diploma mill.
None of them are worth crap. The third is still with me, but he's not gonna be lasting much longer.
I'm not going to identify which is which. But the stories are fun. And proof that not everybody is cut out for general IT work...
However, the next several posts won't be car related at all.
I'm one of two IT guys at a not-so-small company. We're constantly overwhelmed with work, so over the past year I've brought in 3 different temps through an agency. The same agency, in fact, that got me this current position.
The first two, according to their resumes, had been in IT for years. The third supposedly is about to get his Associate's degree in Information Systems from some diploma mill.
None of them are worth crap. The third is still with me, but he's not gonna be lasting much longer.
I'm not going to identify which is which. But the stories are fun. And proof that not everybody is cut out for general IT work...
Friday, April 26, 2013
Ode to the N/A
In this context "N/A" stands for Normally Aspirated. Meaning, an engine without a turbo or supercharger. Like the 1986 Saab 900S I had in Colorado.
This was found on Rodentmaster's sig at SaabCentral.com's forums:
ODE to the N\A
"I have not TURBINE to compress my buttocks, O lord,
Pity will be thine when thoust can crap on with boost.
We of the 'N\A - N\A' knowst nil of the pulling glory,
Yea, to post, thy blight the day of those who pressurise their pipes,
Alas, suck be mine that my chariot breathes,
Strike me down for mine is an unworthy existance"
This was found on Rodentmaster's sig at SaabCentral.com's forums:
ODE to the N\A
"I have not TURBINE to compress my buttocks, O lord,
Pity will be thine when thoust can crap on with boost.
We of the 'N\A - N\A' knowst nil of the pulling glory,
Yea, to post, thy blight the day of those who pressurise their pipes,
Alas, suck be mine that my chariot breathes,
Strike me down for mine is an unworthy existance"
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Texas Tea
Went to South Coast Plaza to take my daughter to the Roxy store (GAH they're overpriced! But she had a gift card...) As we were walking up we passed a later white 9-3 Aero vert. Beautiful! Daughter is in love with it. (She's 9.)
Walking back out my wife notices a trail of oil drips that leads right to where we were parked. "Is that our car?"
"No way," I respond. Confident that it's fine. But looking under the car I see a puddle. I pop the hood and break out the mega LED flashlight. The entire passenger side of the car is covered in oil. I do a quick dipstick check and the oil is barely touching the tip. Ruh roh. I toss in the spare quart I keep in the car and we come straight home. Oil light came on about half way so I stopped and picked up a couple more quarts. Light stayed dark the rest of the way. Whew!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Front suspension refresh
The struts on my 1999 9-3 Convertible were starting to hiss whenever I went over a speed bump. So I decided it was time to replace them.
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